Monday July30,2007

Wow, what a weekend! Well, for the past 3 years, I have been getting these really grueling, belly aches, almost everytime I eat, no matter what I eat. Well, I had testing last year, and they could not find anything wrong. Well, friday night was the last draw, DP and I were trying to have a date night, (working on us, and bringing passion back to our relationship) so we had sushi and a few beers, yes I drank and I dont care, when I got PG last time, I drank the same night, I am no longer going by the book, cause it dont work for me. Well, just as we were getting into our movie, the belly started hurting, then I threw up about 6 times, so DP said, get dressed you are going to the ER, we will get an answer. SO of course, the ER could not have been more lovely on a Friday night. Lets see, there was one person ahead of me, when we arrived at 10pm, then we had a crack head, two accidents and a stabbing, and I did not even go to the back until 430am. Dr.s ran blood urine and x ray and come to find out I have ULCERS!!! At least we know what the problem is. So needless to say, diet has to change no more spices and peppers and hot sauce. So we did not leave ER until 7am saturday, we went and had breakfast, and slept till almost 2pm. We enjoyed a lazy satuday night watching movies, and another lazy sunday, it was fantastic!!!!

In other news, we are not TTC this month, but of course just out of obsession, I dont think that I oed this month, no pain or EWCM! and its cycle day 17 or 18. that is worryin gme! I will be using the clomid next month so hopefully that will do the trick for me.

Starting to feel better and look to the future!

So I been having a really hard time dealing with things lately. Everytime i hear of someone else being pregnant, I cringe, I want so much to be happy for them and I know deep down, that I am, but I have such a sense of jealousy that all I can do is cry. Needless to say DP's brothers girlfriend just found out yesterday that she is pregnant, she is only 19 and they have only been together for 2 months. I am sincerely happy for them, but i could not help myself from a total cryfest yesterday morning on my way to work. I just dont understand or get it anymore, will this ever happen for us. I am starting to feel like our whole relationship has begun to revolve around us getting pregnant. I mean I feel like we are arguing everytime I turn around about one thing or another, and lets not even talk about our sex life, that has pretty much become not existant. I just dont know how much longer I can do this. My emotions and sanity are starting to wear out. Its makes it worse when a dr. tells you that there is nothing wrong with you. I mean i had the blocked tubes, but that has been corrected, so I just knew last month was gonna be it for us, and of course it wasnt. Its like negative tests and AF is no longer a disappointment, I have become numb to the whole situation. It really dont affect me anymore. I feel like such a let down and failure. I believe we will try 2 more times at home, and if it dont happen, we will have to move on to something else. I guess........

Out again

Well, as most of you know already, AF showed while on vacation. I trully believe that I had an early MC. My temps were too good, the day before AF showed, I had the most gut wrenching cramping, to the point I was almost on the floor in the gift shop in tears, I had a little spotting after that. The next day absolutely nothing, till late that night, then started heavy bleeding.Cd2 I passed the biggest clot I have ever seen, I swear it could have fit in the palm of my hand, it made me want to throw up, thats how bad it was, along with heavy cramping and a back ache. We are gonna take a month or two off, cause I want to buy two or three vials, just to utilize timing effectively, not sure if we are timing it right with just one vial, I thought for sure this was gonna be our month, since having the HSG and all. Guess it will happen when God wants it too. I am trying my best to remain positive, knowing that it will happen eventually for us!

10 DPO

Finally, we are at 10 DPO, we are moving right along, only a few more days to see the truth, will this month be a bust or did the HSG help and improve fertility???? I have not had any symptons at all, nothing that would signal me to think, hey you are pregnant. I also have to signals of AF either, but that has happened before as well. The new job has really helped me through this TWW, I have barely thought about and not stressed about it! I will prolly POAS in the AM just cause my OCD is starting to kick in and I need to pee on something!

On to other news, well just to let yall know, I am or was deathly afraid of boats unless its like a ferry! Well I faced my fear yesterday and went out in my brother in laws bass boat, I was good until he started going fast and cut a really sharp curve, he reassured me that i was not going to fly out of the boat and die, I eventually loosened up, and I had a really great time! I also caught a fish, not a keeper of course but I just have to say myself and B-i-l girlfriend was the only ones that caught at all!!!! So now that one fear has been faced I feel really good about it and will be going back!!

2 DPO!

We are moving right along, today is big 2 Dpo, feels like an eternity already! Things went well, we AIed at about 26 hours after positve opk, stayed up for awhile then went right to sleep. I am feelin pretty good about, no signs or symptoms of anything yet, which I didnt not expect to feel anything yet. BUt anyways, I am going to try and keep myself busy as possible, I am starting a new job on monday, so that should help occupy me pretty well!