A new life!

2009-12-07T15:36:00.002-06:00

Where do i begin. Not much has been going on out of the usual. LIfe is great, getting ready for christmas, we had a very nice and quiet Thanksgiving. It was so great not to do the whole traditional Thanksgiving this year. I simply made a big ol pot of gumbo for the nice chilly weather. It was fantastic, I do believe it just may be the new tradition in our home!

The kids are doing well. Braylon has been big time struggling in school this year. Which is where most of my free time has been used up at. He was diagnosed with ADHD, when he started Kindergarten, we have been through several medications, but until this year the most of his problems were simply behavioral, well low and behold we have finally gotten the behavior issues fixed (which they were never really anything serious to begin with). Teachers now days seem to think that our five and six years olds are suppose to be statues, never speak, stay in a perfect line, I mean any 5or6 year old is still somewhat implusive, so if you would like to give my child a C in conduct today, because he didnt keep his arms at his sides will walking in the hallway, then I just cant really be bothered.

So the academics are now at play, and somehow over the last 4 months I have questioned,myself did I do something to him when he was a baby, did I drop him and I dont remember, did I deny him lack of oxygen......Absolutely not to any of those questions. I provided play time, I provided education playtime, and stories and things of that nature. But until just a few days ago, my child has failed every test that has been placed in front of him. So as of late, I have been rewriting his test papers and making him redo them. I do not assist, I simply read the directions and give him a time limit. And guess what??? He will pass the whole freakin test with flying colors. I dont get it. So I have recently conferenced with his teacher and school counselor, and we seem to believe it's simply test anxiety. So from that point on, we have made it a priority to not say the word TEST. We simply call them worksheets....and to my amazement my lil man has brought home 3 A's in the last week. I can hardly believe it. I am thrilled and hope this trend can continue.

I truly hope that everyone is doing well, i do come about once a week to keep up with everyone's blogs, just havent had much time or effort to wanna write myself. If I dont come back before the holidays I wish everyone a MErry Christmas!!!

2009-06-04T14:27:00.002-05:00

I should have put the clothes in the dryer, did I wipe the counters off. I should have mopped the floor tonight so I dont have to do it tomorrow. Did I check my email? I forgot to set my DVR to record the new season of Kendra on E! I have to remember to do that before Sunday,( hearing Ryan Seacrest voice in my head) reminding me. I wonder what the passenger on the Air France flight where thinking before the plane went down, gosh how i feel for their families and friends. Could there possilbly be one lonely passenger floating adrift the ocean on a whithered air plane seat waiting desperatly for someone to resue them. Did I set my alarm. I should have turned Braylons tv off, I need to make Alayziah's favor bags for her party this saturday. Man I dont feel like goin to work tomorrow. Im so sleepy. And why didnt i refill my lunesta yet? This my friends are just my thoughts before finally falling asleep...That lovely butterfly woudl have been fantastic last night to help me get to sleep. My brain never shuts off.

HHHAAAAYYYY! I do still exist!

2009-05-29T14:03:00.004-05:00

Good night!!!! Talk about I fell off the bloggin boat! I am still alive and Im still in existence for the like 1 person that still may check my blog!lol. Things have just been a little chaotic to say the least. Nothing really bad. Relationship is still great and the kids are great. Just the economy is kickin us in the butt super bad. My girlfriend works in the oilfield for GE and so you can just about imagine out thats goin. Luckily I work in finance so my job is still holding steady, we are locally owned and not hurting at all so far. But as a family we are struggling greatly, with hours being cut and looking to layoffs next we dont really know which way to go next. We are struggling with facing our last option of one of us taking a second part time job just to make ends meet. It's a tough decision to make, we already only spend the evenings with the kids and the weekends and just cant see cutting anymore time out. In the long haul of things one of us will have to make that sacrifice and very soon im afraid. So thats how our little piece of the earth has been revolving. Both kids finished up school greatly! Bray is on to 1st grade and Alayziah is off to 3rd. Time sure does fly. I hope that everyone is doing fine. Feels good to come here and vent and realease some frustration with no judgements! Here's a few updated pics of the fam!

2009-01-12T15:26:00.003-06:00

So just a little update on my resolutions....They are coming together ok, I started slacking some, but not horribly bad I have not had water since Friday!!!OOPPS!!! my bad it was a crazy weekend, we babysat 3 additional kids so our house was basically a zoo! It was nice though, we had a really great time.. On the other hand I have been doing great with my facial regimen and I must say I can start to see a differance already.. Have not had a migraine which is fantastic not even my always evil PMS migraine, I will just pray that it stays on track! Other than that not much is goin on same old stuff, life and family is great not much to complain about!!!

2009-01-06T15:14:00.002-06:00

WEll, I hope that everyone had a great Christmas and a very Happy New Year!.. Our holidays were fantastic, I could not have asked for better. The kids had a wonderful christmas and santa was very good to them!! So in normal tradition we must set New Years resolutions..I am taking a different approach this year. Typically every year, I promise my self to stick to a diet and lose all kinds of weight and get back in to my prepregnancy size of a 9!! But of course that never happens, so this years I have given myself realistic goals that I may actually stick to.. First off my number goal is drink water!!!! I dont know why i dislike water so much, its just a boring drink, no taste and no fizz! COke and pepsi is so much better cause you feel the burn down your throat and your eyes water, now thats some good stuff! Oh and yes I have tried all the little flavoring packets, and they all just give me heartburn..But so far so good, I have been alowing myself a small cup of coke in the morning to get me going, then I drink almost a whole bottle of water on my way to work, then I allow myself to have my half cup of coffee, i can never finish a whole cup so that works out well.. Then its only water the rest of the day, and I have a little bit more coke with my dinner, then water till bedtime. That has been going pretty well, I have not slacked so far!!! But its only the 6th! My next resolution was to stop taking so much over the counter meds! No im not a junkie, but I suffer with the most awful migraines you can imagine, nothing works, to relieve the pain i typically have to concoct a cocktail of 3 excedrin tension headache, 1pain pill(mild) and a half muscle relaxer and VOila!!! the pain I have been experiencing for three days is magically gone, so I figure If i keep up this routine I will have no liver by the time im 35...(just a note my doctor is at his wits end so he is aware of my cocktails and has even assisted me in different anectodetes)..im not kidding, He has said Alicia I dont know what the hell to do! You have to respect a man of such honesty..I really do love my doctors though for my head that is. A couple of months ago i was out of work for a week due to a migraine and pulled muscle in my neck(stop thinking dirty thoughts) I was in his office hysterically crying to the point of needing a paper bag, do you know that poor man called me everyday for four days 3-4 times a day to check on me, thats a good doctor in my book.... So i saw him today and we are trying some new things to try and see if we can get this whole headache thing down, if this regime does not do the trick last resort is a medication called topamax which so far they have been having great success!!!Lucky for me it is also proven to promote weight loss!!! thats two birds with one stone that makes me happy!!!! Now my third and final resolution is to take care of my face! I wash my face, but im horrible about going to bed with makeup on and not puttin moisturizer or sunblock.. so i did a little research and found that the best moisturizer and anit wrinkle that was boasted was ROC... It suggested use in late twenties and eary thirties to maximize its effectiveness, so Im right on target, I will be 28 this year which to me is a tragedy, even though i really deep down know its not...So While I work on all my goals and resolutions I wish all of you luck with your own personal resolutions!!!!

2008-12-24T12:13:00.001-06:00

I just wanted to drop in and tell everyone merry christmas. Please keep all holiday travel as safe as possible, between all the rain storms and snow storms, its very dangerous out there. We are currently getting downpours at this very moment, should rain for the rest of the day and then a high of 80 tomorrow...So much for all the pretty christmas sweaters and outfits, looks to be a day of shorts and tshirts!!!! Gotta love it! IT could always be worse....Hopefully I will have some great new pics to post after the holidays!

2008-12-17T12:22:00.000-06:00

So it's almost time to say goodbye to 2008, already! I really cant believe that this year is almost over. Now that I am pushing 30 I truly feel like someone is stealing time from me. Its like the years and months are going by so quickly, I barely get a chance to take it all in. On the other hand, I am very thankful for such a wonderful year this one has been. It was new life, new beginnings, new traditions, and as I sit here reflecting on where did the years, months, and days go I cant help but cherish the huge grin on my face. This has been one of the best years of life, except for the year I was pregnant and delivered my beautiful son. I have finally found my soul mate, someone that treats me the way that I treat them. Someone that loves me for me, and does not try to change any of my irritating quirks or behaviors. My baby boy is growing so much, and changing everyday, I can hardly wait to see where life will take him. As his mama, I definately see him in some type of entertainment business, his small 42lb frame can barely support his huge personality. My long time wants of wanting another child have been filled by the daughter I gained in my new partner. She is beautiful and amazing, everything I would have wanted if I delivered her myself. As for my baby wants, I have come to a new ground in accepting the family I have and focusing on them, could be possible God has granted me all the children I was meant to have. I am in love with life, and feel as if I have finally found my niche! I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New year.

It actually snowed!

2008-12-11T09:29:00.000-06:00

So a very rare adn welcomed treat today. It really did snow! I woke up everyone in the house this morning at 5 to see it, I was so nervous to wait, afraid it would end too quick. The kids were beyond excited considering neither of them have seen snow in there lifetimes. It made for great first memories! Amazing it actually stuck to the ground, and as of now at 9:35am its still white outside, unfortunately the snowing has stopped but we still have a very pretty white blanket to see... As luck would have it, we will be back up to 75 degree weather come monday! Gotta love that wonderful south louisana weather! IT does not matter though, at least we enjoyed it while we could, lord knows the kids will probably be teenagers before we have anymore, however I did promise to take them somewhere snowy for vacation, so they can actually play in it, there was no playing this morning because of school.

I hope everyone has a great day! Enjoy the pics!

2008-12-10T14:31:00.000-06:00

This is a picture of Bray at his birthday party! It was all LSU.... He had a great time, and we had a fantastic Thanksgiving. I am ready for Christmas, we have started shopping but not quite done yet..So much to do with so little time.

So its suppose to snow tonight, in south louisiana! I cant believe it. We are suppose to see the white stuff sometime between 3am and 8am. The kids would love to see it, I may have to wake them up to see it, they have been begging to see some snow!! Just a quick one, just wanted to check in on everyone. Have a Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

P.S. and yes my child is wearing a bennie cap,LSU jersey, and camo rubber boots in 75 degree weather! He is country what can i say!

2008-11-24T14:49:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to my baby boy!!

Lord help me my little one is turning 6 today!!! I am excited and sad all at the same time. He is getting so big and grown up. He is doing great in school and as his teacher puts the whole class revolves around braylon! Which I guess could be a good or bad thing! Academically he is doing fantastic and has started reading small books which makes me ever so proud, its so great to see your children reach such a huge milestone. I will post pics from his party in a few days! Happy birthday to my baby, I love you so much!

2008-11-19T15:51:00.000-06:00

Wow, almost 4 months without blogging!!!! I cant believe it has been that long, needless to say things are great! Life is great, my kids are great! NOt much of anything has been going on, of course we experienced two hurricanes a couple of months ago, that was quite of an adventure to say the least, we did evacuate for Gustav which was a direct hit for Lafayette and surrounding areas, our residence did not sustain any major damage, and we got to spend a great 4 days in dallas, that of which not two weeks before we had went on vacation in galveston, which was amazing, we had a great time, no kids just a relaxing adult vacation!!!! Then of course we had Ike, which was just alot of wind and rain nothing major for us. The kids are doing great in school hard to believe 2008 is so close to the end, it has been an amazing year! I can hardly wait to see what 2009 will have in store for me and my family. I have so many things to be thankful for this thanksgiving, we recently moved in to a new house about a month ago and our celebrating our first thanksgiving together as a family we are cooking at our house and i cant wait.. I have been keeping up with everyones blogs, and so happy with all the new additions and milestones your babies are reaching! Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-07-30T13:04:00.000-05:00

Had a minute thought i would post some new pics real quick. ok so the first two pics are of us! The middle picture is Ms. Carrie Underwood, that is exactly how close my tickets were, they were my mothers day gift from my mom... She was amazing!!!

2008-07-30T11:12:00.000-05:00

Wow its been a really long time since I posted! Things are great extremely busy with work and school and trying to get the kiddies ready for school...We are taking a vacation this weekend to galveston for a couple of days to have some quiet alone time. I cant wait to get away from everything.. Will post more and some new pics when we come back. Hope everyone is well. Michelle, I cried like a baby reading your last post. I am so happy for you and NIck and am waiting anxiously for a update!! Oh and Meg its almost time love the nursery its beautiful!! Wish yall lots of luck as well and cant wait to see the little one!!

2008-06-04T10:41:00.000-05:00

Wow, I cant believe it has been a whole month since i last blogged. Just to let everyone know things are still fantastic. I am still and engaged and we plan on having a small ceremony sometime next year possibly at home or in New Orleans if I have my way. They have some really beautiful parks and courtyards that would just make the most perfect scene for our commitment ceremony.. Some things have changed in the last month though. I lost my job, but I did start school for Physical Therapy. It is going great and I just got a new job working full time and going to school three nights a week until 930..So my schedule has been very full lately. We are settling into summer with the kids being out of school. They both finished the year off fantastically, as soon as possible i have some really great pictures from Memorial day to post. Hope everyone is doing well. Oh and yeah Michelle I constantly check your blog on updates of the adoption..I am beyond excited for you adn NIck and wish yall tons of luck, and I can hardly wait to see the first pics of "babygirl" when she makes her arrival. Yall and everyone else still remain in my prayers even though I am not TTC anymore..You all have been such great friends and inspirations through TTC and the break up of my previous relationship. I am trully greatful to each and every one of you. Have a great week and I will post new pics soon!!!

2008-04-30T11:35:00.000-05:00

Sorry I have been MIA lately!! Been having alot going on. I am glad to see everyone is doing well. Its so hard to keep up with everything thing these days.. Life has been fantastic. I honestly could not ask for more. School is almost over for the kids, so we are trying to think of fun creative things for them to do over the summer other than watching tv and playing video games.. I know they will be taking swimming lessons but as of now not much else is planned..Any fun summer activity ideas would be greatly appreciated.. Now more importantly I Know i left you all hanging on my good news, so I am finally here to share. My partner has asked me to share my life with her forever. She did propose a couple of months ago, but I was so afraid of jinxing it I held out for a while.. I know its early, but when you know something is right you just do. We have known each other for two years but have only been in a steady committed relationship for a little while.. I am trying to get caught up on everyone...And hopefully I can get back to blogging on a regular basis!!

2008-03-18T12:22:00.000-05:00

Hello all my blogger friends, I cant believe it has been over a month since I last posted. My how time flies!! Things are still going great could not possibly ask for it to be better. Life is absolutely blissful!!! I have completely fallen head over heels!! It feels great. Just having a chance to catch up on everyone. Michelle, my heart literally broke when I read your post about your miscarriage..My thoughts and sympathy is with you during this difficult time. To everyone else I hope that you are all doing well. I do have some really good news to post (no I am not pregnant)!! It actually feels great to not be trying and enjoying life right now, no temping no tracking, no OPK's, no obessesing over my own bodily fluids!!!! Maybe one day though! So like I said I have some really good news but I am gonna hold it in a little bit longer....Sort of nervous to post dont want to jinx anything...

2008-02-16T13:25:00.000-06:00

Just stopped by to check in on everyone...Michelle, I am so super excited for you!!! You and Nick deserve this so much! In other news, life is still great! I couldn't be happier, or ask for a better woman...She is absolutely amazing! Valentines day was the best ever, trully memories to last a life time! HOpe everyone else is doing well...

2008-02-07T12:22:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to report, that things are still amazing! We had a blast for Mardi Gras!! The most fun I have had in years! I am enclosing an updated pic of myself, with new hair color! And a couple of the kids from the fair for Mardi Gras..Also, I am getting a new car today! I am super excited, I was currently driving a 98 honda civic coupe 5 speed, and I went totally upgraded to a 2008 chevy silverado, loaded down! I will post pics of it tomorrow! I am still thinking and praying for all of you of course. Michelle, I am dying waiting to hear some news from you...

2008-01-24T17:29:00.001-06:00

Thought I would drop some recent pics! Enjoy

2008-01-24T17:08:00.000-06:00

Hey blog world! I am back and feeling great! Things are going well..I feel refreshed and renewed..Maybe it was the flu I had or something I ate, but life is feeling great these days...I really have to say, i am so thankful and blessed to have so much support from you great bunch of women..Braylon is doing great and has adjusted well...We have began a whole new life, and now that I look back I realize so much...Sometimes you really dont realize how bad things are until they are over and you start really reflecting..I have met someone and she is great. We are taking things very slowly we both just got out of long term relationships, but we are having a blast together. She has a 6 year old daughter that is just great, I love her like my own already..I am still keeping up with everyone.. and michelle I am waiting for your BFP girl, I am routing for you everyday..Tammy same goes for you. you ladies deserve it so much...Gigglebaby i promise I will get to you Tag tomorrow, I just dropped in to give a quick update!!!

2008-01-10T17:18:00.001-06:00

I just wanted to drop in and say thank you to everyone for your support through my difficult time....I am actually doing great, not taking it hard this time...Guess you can only be hurt so many times. I will still be blogging when i get my life resituated..I wish all of you the very best of luck..Hopefully my baby dreams will still come true one day. when i meet the right person...

2007-12-31T16:34:00.000-06:00

Sorry I have been MIA the past few weeks, I will keep this short and sweet..Found out Dp was cheating on me the week before Christmas..We have only been back together for 3 months. Merry Christmas to me right....

2007-12-11T10:58:00.000-06:00

I have some really good news!! Dp's company got bought out by GE a few months ago, the complete aquisition does not go into effect until Jan 1,2008. She recieved her benefits package yesterday and she is allowed to carry me on her insurance. I read through her benefits last night and they are fantastic. The whole coverage is better than what I have right now, and alot of infertility is covered. That of which is not covered on my plan. So needless to say I will be switching over to her insurance come the first of the year. So now the question is do we go ahead with a home AI in january or jsut skip it all together, go ahead and see a fertility specialist, and do an IUI? Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated..

2007-12-08T10:24:00.000-06:00

Christmas shopping is almost complete and I am so thrilled, as we are typically the people on Christmas eve that are still trying to shop. All I have left is my mom and Dp but its all planned out what they are getting its just a matter of actually going to pick things up. I actually broke down and bought Braylon a playstation last night, I swore that I never would and I know that he is only 5, but his interests have begun to change and he is starting to like bigger boy toys, so if anything I know that he will be really attached to it as he is to his leapster, but his playtime will be limited. I am figuring since time outs, and other forms of punishment dont seem to work on him, these two items will come in handy as far as his behavior, if he misbehaves he loses his gaming privlieges..We will see how long it works!!!

In other news AF arrived yesterday, right on time so my cycles seem to be back in order which is exactly what I need, I am almost 99% sure we will be doing our first AI next month, if everything goes according to plan. I think that we will give it a go about 2 or 3 more times at home, and if nothing results then we will move on to a fertility specialist, but considering we only tried once since getting the pipes cleared out, I am hoping we wont have to go that route. Although I am still concerened about my periods, cause they are so heavy and I have so much clotting I am just so paranoid about that affecting implantation, I have spoken to my doctor about it and he doesnt seem to think its anything to worry about, so therefore I am also trying not to worry about it..Hope everyone has a great weekend!

2007-12-05T11:54:00.000-06:00

Not too much going on around here, mostly just gearing up for the holidays. Work has been pretty boring lately not much going on around there either. I am beyond ready to start TTC, I have the babyfever worst than ever right now. I will be doing my dreaded christmas shopping this weekend, I am so ready to get it over with, I have pretty much everything figured out that I am getting everyone..Dp is my only hard one I know one thing she wants but I am having a hard time figuring out more. I want to send a huge Congrats to Meg and Kris, I am so excited about ur long awaited BFP...!!!!

2007-12-01T11:38:00.000-06:00

Things are going great and could not be better! I got my test results back from my TSH check and they were great 1.6 to be exact, which the doctor said was perfectly normal. The holiday season is going pretty good, I have to do teh bulk of my christmas shoppin next weekend, Im pretty excited about that, and cant wait to get it done. I am beyond ready to get on with TTC, Dp and I had a discussion in Target last night, because everytime I see something really cute for a little girl, I tell her that I need it for "MY little girl", she proceeds to tell me that I do not have a little girl yet, and I told her that yes I do she is made up in my mind and her name is Anabelle!!! SHe thinks that its hillarious, although I dont really find it all that funny!!! My child is addicted to his Leapster that we got him for his birthday, I swear we couldnt have gotten him a better gift..It is that time of year to get a few boxes and have Braylon go through his toys and fill a few boxes to donate to the children who dont get any toys for christmas, he has a really hard time understanding that there are children who do not recieve toys for christmas, but we try to teach him that he is doing a good deed, and he is very blessed to recieve all the goodies that he has, but it is also good to give to the less fortunate..Thats all for now time to go do some work..Hope everyone has a great weekend!

2007-11-27T11:05:00.000-06:00

Sorry it has taken so long to get pictures posted up from the decorating and stuff..Bray had a great birthday even though it poured down raining all day long and we lost electricity for about 2 hours we had a great time. I can hardly believe my little man is 5. It is time to get this babymaking on the ball. I had some bloodwork done last week, my doctor wanted to check out my thyroid adn make sure its functioning properly. I am patiently waiting for the results, I doubt anything is wrong but I repsect him for wantign to check. He put my on Effexor to help with my depression and anxiety, I have read that its not really safe for pregnancy, so Im not sure how long I will be taking it, I have a great doctor though, that has given me free samples to last for a month, to see if it works for me before I start paying for it. Hope everyone has a great week, adn is enjoying the holiday shopping season!!

2007-11-24T11:10:00.000-06:00

To start off, I hope that everyone had a very good Thanksgiving..Ours was great. We did get all the outside decorations up, and I did take pictures just have not had a chance to upload them yet..I promise I will get them on here..It came out really good, we did things a little bit different this year. Hopefully we will be able to get the inside done this weekend, but we have Braylons birthday party and all kinds of stuff going on..Oh and yes my baby turns 5 this sunday..I cant wait for his party, we were originally gonna have it outside with a fum jump and hot dogs and all that good stuff, but you know we live in South Louisiana, and the temp is like 40 degrees with a 100% chance of rain all weekend...Its fantastic gumbo weather!!

2007-11-15T17:06:00.000-06:00

Okay, so the weather gods must have been listening in on my rant yesterday cause DP woke me up at 4am this morning becuase the wind was so bad outside, well needless to say we had a nice cold front coming through..It has been one beautiful day with temps only reaching about 63.. It feels great..Tomorrow morning temps are suppose to dip around 39..HOpefully the weather will stick around for awhile at least until thanksgiving it will suck if we have a hot thanksgiving!!Thats all for now hope everyone has a great weekend, we are putting up Christmas stuff, i will post pictures!!

2007-11-14T14:38:00.000-06:00

Not much happening here in South Louisiana...The weather stinks..Literally..They are cutting and buring sugarcane, and it smells awful, and im not sure how much more my sinuses can take..I have been sneezing and blowing for nearly two months..Now my little one is sneezing and blowing...It sucks. The weather is HOT! I mean we are a week away from Thanksgiving and we are still in the mid 80's..It is crazy..We had a few days of chilliness a couple of weeks ago...But for teh last couple of weeks, it has been hot and dry..No rain I am still having to water my outside plants in November and we still have green grass. Its so weird. I can't wait till this weekend. We are finally get in the attic and take down all the christmas stuff..We are planning to get the outside done this weekend and the inside next weekend after Thanksgiving...

It is little mans birthday next Sunday. He is so excited about turning 5. In mommy time that is a mile stone of course. We are having a party for him at home with all his little friends..Mommy will be having sad time of course trying to smile and laugh all day as my little heart aches as he just keeps growing and growing...Oh and did I mention we have reached the stage where he dont want to kiss me when I drop him off at school..He tells me he doesnt have time..WTF I mean I thought that I had a few more years before that would start happening..I mean when he turns 6 I will have to drop him down the road from school. I swear it feels like just yesterday I was delivering him..Just makes me want another baby so much worse. They grow way to fast.

So hopefully we will be back on board to start TTC in January..I can hardly wait and I am really praying that the long break will pay off with a quick BFP. TTC is really torture for me. As im sure it is for everyone else. I know that it will happen and I have expected that it is not really somehting I can control, it will happen when the time is right.

2007-11-12T17:02:00.000-06:00

Since I have never participated in the tagging game, I figured I would go ahead and list 6 random facts about myself, that most people do not know.....

1. I hate to sit in a bath tub and get wrinkled, I cannot stand the way it feels, it makes me crazy..

2. I keep a collection of bottled drinks on my side of the bed..

3. I am always cold, even when its 98 degrees outside, I have a heater under my desk on high all day long.

4. I have a horrible habit of over analyzing, planning, and time management...I am a total clock watcher I hate to be late for anything...

5. I freaking cannot stand bad drivers. They make my blood pressure so high.

6. I love trash magazines, and celebrity gossip, TMZ is like a crack addiction to me. I waste so much money on magazines...

2007-11-09T11:12:00.000-06:00

So, I am sitting her at my desk at work,(obviously not working)...And I find myself curious from fellow TTCers, do you ever find yourself in a jealous desperate stare at other people's children. You see we have a couple in here right now that have a infant babygirl, no more than about 2 or 3 months old, and I keep finding myself just lost in stare at her. Not sure if its desperation or jealousy. I wonder if her parents know exactly how precious there gift is, and how some women live with years of infertility desperate for that moment of holding your baby gazing into there eyes, and knowing that they depend on you for everything. It just makes me crazy, and some part of me knows that it shouldnt bother me that much, because I have been blessed with one child already, and I know that in time it will be our turn to share that joyous experience. Just thought I would share what I was feeling right at this moment, as I gaze at this little babygirl sitting across from me...and pray silently that one day we will be blessed..

2007-11-07T16:59:00.000-06:00

So I havent posted in awhile...Things are going great. Actually they couldnt be better. I am so excited about the holidays being right around the corner..I am hoping to spend the weekend pulling all the christmas stuff out of the attic, and checking lights adn ornaments, to see what we need to buy or replace. Everything has fallen into place so well, that it sometimes seems surreal to think of where I was only 2months ago, practically on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am truly thankful for the break that DP and I took, I think it was the best thing for us, it really made us realize how much we love each other and want to spend our lives together. I feel very refreshed, and ready to start new chapters in our lives. Hopefully after the first of the year, we will be jumping back on teh TTC wagon, I am very anxious to get started on that, but I have to admit the long break has been nice. I am going to begin charting my cycles again this month. I am praying that this is what we needed and it wont take us very many tries. I think this time we are gonna make a game plan, I would say at most 3 more at home tries, since we only tried once since getting tubes cleared out, then moving to IUI dr. assisted for a couple of tries, and if that gives us nothing, then I guess it would be time to look into other options. I swear when we started this journey nearly 3 years ago, I would never have thought it would have taken so long to reach our goal. I honestly thought since I concieved on first try with my son, it would work the same way. Guess that joke was on me. At least I have answers now and know that both of my tubes were blocked so that does make me feel a little bit better, adn I will never stop believing that I was pregnant in July adn misscarried. Whos knows? I am letting go of all the past failed attempts and going into this fresh like its our first time. I am so excited and just down right happy about everythign right now!!!

2007-10-22T15:34:00.000-05:00

Nothing new to report..My baby boys football team is going to the playoffs this weekend, so I am super excited about that..Work is going good, and DP and I are still very much hard at work on US...Still trying to decide on new vehicle, but other than that everything is going great!!!

2007-10-15T13:32:00.000-05:00

Not too much goin on around here..Man i realize now that I am currently not TTC, I really dont have much to blog about anymore. Things are still going pretty well. I am in the process of trying to see my car, and purchase a new one. Thats always fun!! Not sure what exactly I want yet, I know its between a Corolla and another Civic...I am really leaning towards the Civic just because thats what I drive now. So I guess we will see over the next couple of weeks..Work is going well, business is starting to pick up, so I have been working late almost every night, which is a real bummer.. I am totally gearing up for the holiday season...I cant wait to start decorating. It is killing me to wait until next month to put my christmas tree up. Dp and I both had birthdays about a week ago, I know imagine that our birthdays are on the same day....I got this really awesome new digital camera, that I have been having so much fun playing with...Also this really cool digital picture frame that u put your memory card into, and it plays slideshows of your pictures...Its awesome!! Well i guess that is all for now..Be back soon

2007-10-09T11:12:00.000-05:00

Where should I begin, first off we had a great weekend in New Orleans...It was our first trip since Hurricane Katrina, honestly not much has changed, its the same old place.. We stayed right across the street from Emril Lagasse's restraunt Nola! That was exciting to me, I am a huge food network fan...We didnt eat there, I have a bad habit of vomiting after I drink and there was no way, i was gonna waste that food....lol!!!! We enjoyed ourself though...It amazes me how many people bring there small children on Bourbon st...I mean really what is there on bourbon st that your young child and toddlers need to see....And we dare ask why alcoholism is so prominent in Louisiana...I mean they show these kids how to party at 2..Its crazy...Other than that not much is going on...Braylon had strep throat last week, so he was home from school for two days, then of course he made mommy sick, so I have been battling a nasty sinus infection for almost a week....

2007-09-24T12:09:00.000-05:00

I'm such a blog slacker.....Well things are still on the up and up..Dp and I are getting along very well to say the least..We are still taking our time adn not rushing into anything. She is out of town this week until saturday, then we are going to New Orleans for the rest of the weekend, just the two of us..I cant wait!

2007-09-14T13:31:00.000-05:00

Wow, I really have to do a better job at keeping up with my blog...Well things are lookin better everyday..Dp and I are gonna try to work things out...We are not back together yet or living together which is prolly for the best, but we have decided that we can get past this...We love each other very much and trully believe that we are meant to be...We are gonna take time to let each other heal and to forgive one another for everythign that has went on..I am feeling so much better...AF finally came..exactly 61days since my last period...First time in almost 3years that i was actually excited to see her...I chopped all my hair off dont remember if i put that on her already..It looks good i was so nervous to cut it all off, but once it was gone I felt so good about it...I am working on alot of personal issues to do with my past and childhood that i know play a huge roll in my adult life..I have a lot of forgiving and forgetting to do.....Thank u all so much with your support through this..

2007-09-02T20:07:00.000-05:00

Okay, so i have not reported in awhile, needless too say, things are not exactly easy for me right now, i have been having alot of emotional breakdowns coming at any and every time of the day...I am getting severely depressed and really dont know which way to turn anymore. I feel so lonely and like i dont have anyone. I think i really made a big mistake by startin to hang out with Fred again, I want to see her and I want to spend time with her but its so emotionally hard, cause i feel like she can only be bothered with me when she wants..... I am so lost and dont know what to do anymore. I have found that I hold all emotions in all day long, and at the end of the day I just break and go into the most hysterical cry imaginable....I love her with all myheart adn I miss my old life and all its problems, but I know right now is not the right time for us to be tryin to get back together, we both need the time to heal from everything that has happened recently and everything in the past, otherwise I feel taht it would only be another failed attempt at our relationship....Also I have not had a period in almost 60 days, I dont really no what to think of that considering how regular I am...Hopefully it will be here anyday...

2007-08-18T11:21:00.000-05:00

Things are gettin much easier! I am feeling better, I will be moving my things out of the house sometime next week, so once that is finished I think that it will be easier to move on. Braylon starts school on Thursday, I am so excited for him. I have not yet determined how I am goin to handle all of this with him, his questions and stuff I mean, guess i will figure it all out in time!

2007-08-16T14:50:00.000-05:00

I forgot I have a new myspace for all of u that is on my old one, I can now be reached at this one myspace.com/alicia_porter

2007-08-16T13:23:00.000-05:00

A new day! Thats the way i intend on starting everyday! I am feeling better today. I am not sleeping at all, i have maybe had 5 hours in the last 48 hours, so mentally, physically, and emotionally drained, to say the least. This is problem one of the hardest things that I have ever done. Things will work it self out, of that I am sure. I just want all of u to know how much ur support means to me. TTC may have torn my relationship apart, but in the last three years I have made some of the best friends possible and with out even meeting any of u. Ur all very special to me. I will keep up with my blog, and of course keep up with each one of u on ur journey to motherhood.

2007-08-15T11:56:00.000-05:00

O gosh, where do i begin. First off Dp and I have decided to seperate. Neither of us are sure if it will be perment right at this moment, but i guess the day to day stresses has finally broken me down. I feel that our relationship is just broken and i am not sure right now if it can be pieced back togehter, we have been through alot, but i guess i have just lost hope, and i am tired of not feeling happy. I feel like my life is a job and i wake up and just go through the motions day in and day out. I dont wanna wake up 5 years from now and think where has my life gone. I only have one to live and i dont wanna regret anything and i certainly dont wanna miss out on happiness. I have never lived alone and taken care of myself, so that is something that i want to work on. I know i can do it, I am very strong and I can make it work for me and braylon. I am just lost right now, and I dont know where to begin.........

August 7,2007

2007-08-07T14:34:00.000-05:00

Taking an extended break. Yep thats what we are doin. I am really wore out with all the TTC. I really feel like its ripping me and Dp's relationship apart. We are fighting constantly about anything and everything....Every aspect of our lives is sucking right now, and I can only chalk it up to TTC. I get so aggravated and frustrated every month and so does she and we take it out on each other. We dont know what else to do. I just feel like everyother word out of her mouth has to do with TTC! And it makes me so angry!!!! I am at a loss of what to do!

August1,2007

2007-08-01T10:53:00.000-05:00

Will this be our month or not, that is the question at the beginning of everymonth. I must say, that this has been one of the best breaks from TTC that I have ever taken. I cant even tell you what CD I am on!!! I am ready to get the process in order and see what this month will hold for us. AF should be here in a couple of weeks which puts AI towards the end of the month. I have a really bad headache today, which I think has been cause by the FAT man in the office next to me. He hocks stuff out of his throat all day long, and he keeps the temp 30 below 0 in here all day. I mean its the middle of summer in south louisiana, and I have a heater under my desk to defrost the icicles that form on the ends of my toes!! Well he called himself catching attitude with me a few ago, and I had to set him right. Now another thing that bothers me, is I am openly gay, but i do not offer people information that they do not need to know. Only one coworker actually knows my status, and the FAT man, always makes comments about homosexuals, and I am not sure yet how I want to deal with that situation, if I should just explode and tell him what an idiot he is, or if I should make it a little more subtle, and on his next comment, just lean over and tell him, hey I am a lesbian and if I hear one more slur out of your mouth, I will report you for discrimmination. Not sure I will have to ponder a little longer on that one.

Monday July30,2007

2007-07-30T11:48:00.000-05:00

Wow, what a weekend! Well, for the past 3 years, I have been getting these really grueling, belly aches, almost everytime I eat, no matter what I eat. Well, I had testing last year, and they could not find anything wrong. Well, friday night was the last draw, DP and I were trying to have a date night, (working on us, and bringing passion back to our relationship) so we had sushi and a few beers, yes I drank and I dont care, when I got PG last time, I drank the same night, I am no longer going by the book, cause it dont work for me. Well, just as we were getting into our movie, the belly started hurting, then I threw up about 6 times, so DP said, get dressed you are going to the ER, we will get an answer. SO of course, the ER could not have been more lovely on a Friday night. Lets see, there was one person ahead of me, when we arrived at 10pm, then we had a crack head, two accidents and a stabbing, and I did not even go to the back until 430am. Dr.s ran blood urine and x ray and come to find out I have ULCERS!!! At least we know what the problem is. So needless to say, diet has to change no more spices and peppers and hot sauce. So we did not leave ER until 7am saturday, we went and had breakfast, and slept till almost 2pm. We enjoyed a lazy satuday night watching movies, and another lazy sunday, it was fantastic!!!!

In other news, we are not TTC this month, but of course just out of obsession, I dont think that I oed this month, no pain or EWCM! and its cycle day 17 or 18. that is worryin gme! I will be using the clomid next month so hopefully that will do the trick for me.

Starting to feel better and look to the future!

2007-07-25T12:31:00.000-05:00

So I been having a really hard time dealing with things lately. Everytime i hear of someone else being pregnant, I cringe, I want so much to be happy for them and I know deep down, that I am, but I have such a sense of jealousy that all I can do is cry. Needless to say DP's brothers girlfriend just found out yesterday that she is pregnant, she is only 19 and they have only been together for 2 months. I am sincerely happy for them, but i could not help myself from a total cryfest yesterday morning on my way to work. I just dont understand or get it anymore, will this ever happen for us. I am starting to feel like our whole relationship has begun to revolve around us getting pregnant. I mean I feel like we are arguing everytime I turn around about one thing or another, and lets not even talk about our sex life, that has pretty much become not existant. I just dont know how much longer I can do this. My emotions and sanity are starting to wear out. Its makes it worse when a dr. tells you that there is nothing wrong with you. I mean i had the blocked tubes, but that has been corrected, so I just knew last month was gonna be it for us, and of course it wasnt. Its like negative tests and AF is no longer a disappointment, I have become numb to the whole situation. It really dont affect me anymore. I feel like such a let down and failure. I believe we will try 2 more times at home, and if it dont happen, we will have to move on to something else. I guess........

Out again

2007-07-17T11:41:00.000-05:00

Well, as most of you know already, AF showed while on vacation. I trully believe that I had an early MC. My temps were too good, the day before AF showed, I had the most gut wrenching cramping, to the point I was almost on the floor in the gift shop in tears, I had a little spotting after that. The next day absolutely nothing, till late that night, then started heavy bleeding.Cd2 I passed the biggest clot I have ever seen, I swear it could have fit in the palm of my hand, it made me want to throw up, thats how bad it was, along with heavy cramping and a back ache. We are gonna take a month or two off, cause I want to buy two or three vials, just to utilize timing effectively, not sure if we are timing it right with just one vial, I thought for sure this was gonna be our month, since having the HSG and all. Guess it will happen when God wants it too. I am trying my best to remain positive, knowing that it will happen eventually for us!

10 DPO

2007-07-09T08:10:00.000-05:00

Finally, we are at 10 DPO, we are moving right along, only a few more days to see the truth, will this month be a bust or did the HSG help and improve fertility???? I have not had any symptons at all, nothing that would signal me to think, hey you are pregnant. I also have to signals of AF either, but that has happened before as well. The new job has really helped me through this TWW, I have barely thought about and not stressed about it! I will prolly POAS in the AM just cause my OCD is starting to kick in and I need to pee on something!

On to other news, well just to let yall know, I am or was deathly afraid of boats unless its like a ferry! Well I faced my fear yesterday and went out in my brother in laws bass boat, I was good until he started going fast and cut a really sharp curve, he reassured me that i was not going to fly out of the boat and die, I eventually loosened up, and I had a really great time! I also caught a fish, not a keeper of course but I just have to say myself and B-i-l girlfriend was the only ones that caught at all!!!! So now that one fear has been faced I feel really good about it and will be going back!!

2 DPO!

2007-07-01T11:55:00.000-05:00

We are moving right along, today is big 2 Dpo, feels like an eternity already! Things went well, we AIed at about 26 hours after positve opk, stayed up for awhile then went right to sleep. I am feelin pretty good about, no signs or symptoms of anything yet, which I didnt not expect to feel anything yet. BUt anyways, I am going to try and keep myself busy as possible, I am starting a new job on monday, so that should help occupy me pretty well!

Our swimmers have arrived!!!!!!!!!!

2007-06-27T10:11:00.001-05:00

I am so excited, our swimmers arrived yesterday right on schedule. Now i am just waiting for my surge, which should hopefully be today!!! Last month I surged on CD14 and Oed on CD15. I still have such a strong and positive feeling about this month, it just feels like things are different. I guess we will see in about two weeks from now. We are leaving to go on vacation on July 13. We are goin to the beach and I cant wait, we are leaving the day after test day, so it will either be a really good weekend or a sad one, either way we will try to make the best of it for Braylon! Speaking of him as soon as I can figure out how to make my videos work on here, I will post one of last day at swimming lessons, he did fantastic!! I am so proud.

So, we went to pride in HOuston this past weekend, and lets just say it was my first and probably my last. It was just not what I thought it would be. I went to pride weekend at Pensecola a few years back and had a blast, but this crap in Houston was awful! We went with a bunch of our friends to a club called Chances and do you know they was charging 20 just to get in. That my be typical for some clubs, but come on we are use to our clubs charging at the most 5 bucks to get in. IT was ridiculous and the service was awful, you had to wait forever to get a drink, you would think that on such a big weekend you would add a few extra bartenders! I have a few pics that I will post later on!

Rain Rain Go Away!!!

2007-06-20T11:09:00.000-05:00

Okay so usually I like the good rainy days, but when is it gonna stop! It has rained almost everyday for the last two weeks! I mean seriously last night the wind was so hard, I thought I was gonna wake up in The Land of Oz, I even woke DP up out of her sleep because it was so bad, I mean our chairs are across the yard and we lost a shutter! But anyways, not too much else to blog about right now!!! Oh yeah we are going to Houston this weekend for my first Pride Parade, I am so excited, we will actually be spending the whole weekend, then our swimmers will be here on Monday or Tuesday then AI on THursday or Friday!!!Cant wait!

New Pictures& Braylon Swimming lessons!

2007-06-17T10:23:00.000-05:00

I am so very proud of him, he went from being deathly afraid of the water on Monday to swimming underwater and jumping off the diving board 3 times by Friday!!!!!!

I am ready!

2007-06-16T09:38:00.000-05:00

So yes AF finally rolled around I am currently on CD3 and cannot wait to get things started this month. I just know this is gonna be it. Unfortunately we are only using one vial, because expenses are tight, but I just keep reconfirming with myself that it only takes one little bugger to do the job. I am very positive that this will be our month. In other news this was Braylons first week of swimmin lessons. THe week started out really horrible, he cried like someone was trying to murder him MOnday and TUesday, I felt really bad for the instructor. On wednesday I tried a different approach, I just left, even though I did not feel right leaving my 41/2 year old baby with a stranger with his life in her hands, I knew that it was probably for his own good. And let me tell you he did great. COme yesterday, I stayed for his whole lesson, because he wanted me to watch him(oh I forgot to mention that he is absolutely terrified of water). I was so proud I could have cried, my lil man was swimming underwater, holding his breath and everything. He even jumped off the diving board 3 times. WOW what a differeance a week can make. I will post pics in the next couple of days!

Not much goin on!

2007-06-07T13:41:00.000-05:00

Well, not much of anything has been happening lately. We got the official letter in the other day stating that Braylon was accepted into PRE-K, so I am excited and upset all at the same time, excited because it starts a whole new adventure for him, but sad cause it means my baby is no longer a baby! I know I have to face the music that he will grow up, but damnit its hard. I know now that it will only be a matter of time before he gets an even bigger attitude, and I stop hearing the sweet I love you Mommie and start getting the I hate you mama! I will soon have to start buying christmas presents for little girls that he has crushes on and before I know some little witch will be breakin his heart, and he will be driving a car and instead of asking me for quarters it will be can I have the keys and 50 bucks. I know it will be here before I know, but I must say that since I stopped working in December it has been a gift to stay home with and spend that much needed quality mommie time with him, cause like I said he will be gone before I know it.

Well, let me wipe up my tears and move on, I never really realized how long your cycle takes, when you are not waiting for apositive pee stick at the end. I feel like I am waiting forever for AF and she is still 7 or 8 days away...Now that my tubes are unblocked I am ready to get this babymakin business back on the road! I cant wait to try this month, I have such a powerful vibe that this will finally be it, after the rooter rutter in the tubes, I just know its gonna happen, I am so confident know. Well I will get back at yall soon!

Weekend in Review!

2007-05-29T16:43:00.000-05:00

So lets see, well Friday and Saturday, I absolutely cannot remember what we did, It must not have been much of anything. Sunday on the other hand was very eventful, we decided to pack a picnic and go to the lake for the day, they have this really cool waterpark thing for the kids and the adult kids to play in, Braylon loves it. Surprisingly, it was not even that busy concidering it was holiday weekend. SO all was going well, we ate our sandwiches had some chips and dip, and Dp and I was reading some very good books, when I decided to go visit Bray in the water to take some pics of him, well wouldn't you know the minute I turn around to cross the rope from the water, I take a look back at my poor innocent little man, and I see his whole face bobble on the concrete. So I immediately run to pick him up, and thats when I saw it THE BLOOD! It was pouring from my childs mouth, so I am running across the park with my bleeding child, I get to Dp and she starts putting ice in his mouth, we then look at his mouth and his lip is split, so I run for the car throw everything in it and proceed to the nearest ER which was almost 40 minutes away. So end result, I ask him what happened and a little girl wanted his toy and he said no so she pushed him, which of course he was bent over pushing his monster truck. SO after two hours in the ER, the doctor says hes fine, she could have put him a couple of stitches but that would have just made an even bigger scar, so she said it will heal fine by its self. So my poor babies face looks so bad, his lip is big and purple, he has a srape on his forehead, nose, and chin. SO lets just say he will not be friendly with little girls for awhile.

So to make him feel all better Monday we spent the afternoon at CHuck E Cheese, and that pretty much cured everything.

HSG- Results!

2007-05-24T21:01:00.000-05:00

Well, I am happy to report that my test was nothing like I expected, I was waiting for it to be really painful and unbearable, but it was so far from that. I honestly did not feel much of anything except a little pressure. Both of my tubes were blocked, the radiologist said it was prolly some old mucous or blood, the unclogging was a little uncomfortable but only lasted a few seconds, then it was over it tood maybe all of 5 minutes. So my tubes are free and clear. It was such a relief when they gave me the results, I was actually happy that something was wrong cause at least I know why I was not getting pregnant, I began crying while still laying on the table. Ironically, the nurse I had was 11 weeks pregnant so I am taking that as a good sign. She also had a miscarriage in early feb, and got pregnant again the very next month!! So we will start this baby makin journey again next month!!!!

Dorothy Has Freakin Landed!!!

2007-05-23T12:25:00.001-05:00

So yeah as usual the weather is horrible when I am home alone! There have been reports of tornadoes about 25-30 miles away, a guy that DP works with had to leave work cause the roof had been ripped off his shop. So that is fantastic my nerves are officially wrecked! I will report back since my electricity is blinking! By the way the time on these pics are about 11:45Am and its this dark outside! As for the dopplar I live between Kaplan and Abbeville!

HSG- tomorrow!!!!!

2007-05-23T10:05:00.000-05:00

My HSG is tomorrow morning at 830. I am extremely nervous and excited all at the same time. I am nervous about the pain and outcome, but I think I will be able to coach myself through the pain part, I always tell myself that nothing can be as bad as 16 hours of labor without meds. As far as the outcome, I will just continue to pray that everything is okay and that there is nothing but time standing between our BFP! I trully hope that I get the added fertility advantage that alot of women have after having one done! Just please keep us in your thoughts!

Awaiting Dorothy & the Yellow Brick Road!!

2007-05-22T13:09:00.000-05:00

So yeah, we are about to have some good south Louisiana weather, which is typical for this time of year. I must say that I am 100% completely afraid of the weather. Everytime it clouds up and the sky begins to rumble, I just know that a tornado is coming and I am gonna wake up in the land of Oz with Dorothy, traveling down the yellow brick road trying to find my way back home. Luckily it has not happened yet, but you never know here. After years of seeing bad weather, hurricanes, and tornadoes just down the road, you simply cant blame my nervousness.

Also, I woul like to add the the new furbabies have finally cooperated and allowed me to take a cute pic of them. The white one is Roxie and the grey one is Griffin, and if they dont start sleeping at night instead of playing they will find themselves banished to outside!!! J/J

I am a blog slacker!

2007-05-21T14:53:00.001-05:00

Wow, its only been like 10 days since updating on my blog, guess you could say i have been pretty busy. Well first things first, I finally started my period, only two days late, and i got my HSG scheduled for this Thursday at 8:30, I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I am hopeing and praying that things go well, we are really looking forward to trying again next month, hopefully it will work out like everyone says that you tend to be more fertile after the HSG, I hear alot of women you actually got there BFPS after having one, i trully hope that is the case for us! It has been nice to having to stress and not worrying about peeing on sticks everytime I turn around, but I am more than ready to get this babymakin show on the road!

On another note, we got two new furbabies, they are 7week old half persian kitties, mine is solid white and Freds is grey. I have never been a cat lover, but they are absolutely adorable, I got a couple of pics of them, but they dont cooperate very well for pictures, all they want to do is hide under our bed! so any how I will update after my test, just pray for us that everything comes out ok.

Before I forget, I would like to apologize to anyone that read my post on the Nw message board, it was rude, but I feel it was much needed. I really feel that the board is just not what it use to be, some of the women are on there just to critize other women. I think some of them have lost what the real meaning and purpose of that board was, and that was Support, and I dont feel any type of support from there anymore! Now I am finished with that, hopefully in a few weeks, everyone will have caught there heads and I can join in again.

Bein Bored!

2007-05-11T08:24:00.000-05:00

Not much goin on, Shane had his surgery on TUesday, he was actually a good patient, not whinny at all, I spent all day Wednesday with, and he is well so no need for me yesterday or today.... I am goin enjoy myself today my mommy is giving my a nice gift certificate for a pedicure and manicure, that of which I will be taking full advantage of today... Not much goin on this weekend, I think we gonna make it a lazy one since we have been so busy the last few weeks. Saturday night we are gonna make homemade pizza with Bray, he loves pizza, but unlike most kids its not his favorite! His fav is Shrimp and rice or crawfish, that kid loves some seafood, but then again, I am his mama and I loooovvveee seafood! Sunday I gotta transplant my gardenias, because they have way out grown there pots. So anyway, guess I better go get ready for my day Luxury!!!!!

Never help people move.

2007-05-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

OMG, I would rather take a beating everyday of the week than to help another person move. I mean the loading was pretty easy cuz we had a few extra hands to help, but the unloading took a good 6 hours. We had to walk about 50feet to the apartment then climb a flight of stairs. I dont think I have ever sweated and been more aggravated in my whole entire life. Needless to say we did not get to bed friday night till almost 2am. Luckily the rest of the weekend was a whole lot better. We slept in till 11 on Saturday then shopped all day, that was some definate therapy that I needed. THen we relaxed in the hot tub till around midnight, then watched one of my favorite movies Memoirs of a Geisha. Sunday I had some more therapy as we went shopping a Traders Village witch for those of you not familiar with Houston, its a flea market the size of a small city. I swear it would take at least 2 days to cover that whole place. I found a ton of stuff that I wanted but did not want to carry around with me so the only thing I ended buying was mothers day gifts for Fred's mom and grandmother, oh and I got this really pretty antique looking silver ring with a Jade stone in it, it is gorgeous!!!

SO now I am back to reality and have endless laundry to do, and housecleaning, which I have to finish today cause my next few days are taken, my best friend is having surgery tomorrow and I am designated nurse! He is a big FAIRY TIT, so I am sure that I will have my work cut out for me, he is only having sinus surgery, that of which I had twice and my second time, two days after surgery I was shopping at H0bby Lobby because they were having a 50% off sale on Christmas Decor, I definantely could not miss that.... So i will see how things go, now I must stop DILLY DALLYING and go get some work done!!!!

MIA

2007-05-04T10:18:00.000-05:00

I will be MIA for a few days we are going spend the weekend in HOuston, helping a good friend move! Yay how exciting. Be back on MOnday, hope everyone has a great weekend>

The good 'ole days! Or were they?

2007-05-01T15:13:00.000-05:00

So I have spent almost my whole beautiful Tuesday, cleaning our office, it was a disaster area with papers and toys and junk everywhere. In the process of this I updated my sons baby book(I get sidetracked so easily, I really think that I am ADD), aww it was too cute to see the way he has grown, and it made me want a new baby so badly. Then I came across my some of my Sr. pictures, wow did that take me back. The life of luxury, no bills, no job, perky tits, slim tummy, and good hair! It was almost sickening to see myself in those pics, I mean no third chin and I have a neck!!!!! My what only 7 years can do to you..,. I must mention the fact that I blew up like a Thanksgiving blimp when I got pregnant, there was not a pizza in sight that I missed! Needless to say almost 5 years later, I still have all my baby weight plus a few extra pounds! I am making a solid commitment to lose at least 20lbs ttc or not it dont matter if I am eating right and exercising it should not make a differeance in me getting pregnant, it may actually help. SO i will keep updated on my progress!!!!!

Long Weekend!

2007-04-30T16:15:00.000-05:00

Whew, what a long weekend, we were so busy we actually went out Friday to a BAR, we have not been out in two years, it was fun but reminded us of why we dont go out anymore. Saturday we went to Festival Internationale, it was so good, for people not familiar, I live in South Louisiana and we have a festival for anything, and I do mean anything, besides Mardi Gras this is the only festival that is really popular, its bands and artists from all over the world, that completely take over our downtown area for 4 days straight, there is all sorts of music, earth people, and things to buy from other countries, so anyway it was great. Then yesterday we got together with some friends and let our kids slipnslide for like 6 hours straight, poor baby was absolutely pooped by 730.

NOw on with my cycle, its playing tricks on me this month, I usually am clockwork to O on CD17 well its CD19 and I just got a positive OPK, thank god this was our month off I was beginning to worry if I was gonna O at all.

I am back!

2007-04-23T16:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I have been pretty lazy over the past week. Havent kept up with the NW board, not taking my temp, or keeping up with my blog.....I should be punished!!!So anyway last week was great, it really helps to take a break from everything goin on..I went to my dr. appointment on Friday he has ordered an HSG, that I am totally freaking out about, I am just cool with weird things being put into my TOOTIE!!!!! but I guess I will have to get over it considering that I have read that fertility chances tend to be higher after having one done, that gives me some serious hope!!!! The price really freaked me out they told me it would be 706.00 OUCH!!! that really makes you wanna run away!!!BUt luckily the fantastic women on the board told me to call around and check prices luckily I have found the local Womens hospital does it for a flat rate of 174.00, if you pay it up front, if you choose to be billed for it, its like 480, I guess its a way of insuring they get paid....So doctor told me to schedule it after I start my next cycle, so if things go well and I have nothing wrong we will try again next month..Everyone just pray that everything comes out ok and I dont have anything weird in there....I finally finished my training and certification for West at home, so I can start bringing in some extra money to help pay for all this baby stuff....I am very excited and cant wait to start, talk about that will pass some time in my next TWW...Well got to go for now

Sorry MIA

2007-04-16T16:30:00.000-05:00

Wow! Its been almost a week since I blogged, I cant believe! So not much has been goin on..I have my doc appointment on Friday, cant wait to see what he has to say..I went bring Bray to Barnes and Noble this morning for storytime we had a great time, he also got to make a door hanger for his bedroom...Its too cute! I have been doing my online training for West so that has been cosuming my time. Ihave also been trying to avoid the computer as much as possible, THe NW board is very helpful and I love all those girls so much for their support, but sometimes it can bring me down as well, it can make me really depressed sometimes..So anyway I will go for now....

14DPO

2007-04-11T08:02:00.000-05:00

Well, its over yet again, another month down the drain.. I cant even describe the way I feel. I am scheduling an appointment with dr.hayes for next week once AF is gone, to see what we can move onto, maybe we can try some simple fertility meds or something..I dont know. Dont feel like talking much right now.

11 DPO

2007-04-08T20:39:00.000-05:00

Well, not much of anything to report today.. We had a nice Easter I suppose, neither side of our families came over, my mom is out of town with her boyfriend, and DPs parents changed there mind about coming, so we spent the day with our two bestfriends Shane and Shannon... We didn't do much, I cooked us Easter dinner which was pot roast with potatoes and carrots and blackeye peas...It was so good!! Its amazing how unimportant holidays are when you get older, we got Braylon, a basket filled with goodies, and some new Leap Frog game thing that hooks up to the TV..He likes it!! I have eaten so much candy, that I should be in sugar overdrive!! I dont know what my problem is I cant not satisfy my sweet tooth..The bunny cake was pretty good! My boobs hurt a little on 8 DPO then went away, then today as it gets later and later they are hurting pretty bad, almost like a throbbing pain, its weird, I am goin put the heating pad on them and see if that helps..Not losing hope yet we still have about 4 days till AF is due, I know the boob thing could just be my period, but for the past few months they have not hurt this close to my period..I still have some hope left..I made a mistake last month by temp dropped on CD13 not 12, so I am gonna wait until CD13 and see if my temp is still up or not, if it drops then no need to waste my test, we will know AF is a sure thing! O well off to go read my book and put Braylon down for bed...

I feel better!

2007-04-07T23:03:00.000-05:00

So I had a pretty rough day today..I cried for about a good hour, then regained my insanity..I wonder sometimes if its normal what we put ourselves through when TTC!? Its crazy..

Well, yesterday Dp,myself, and my bestfriend Shane, all went to Baton Rouge, to drop off some baby gifts, for Dp's brothers ex-girlfriend..I know right that sounds crazy..Truth is she claims that its her new boyfriends baby but according to your due date she would have concieved when her and brother were still together..But who knows, Jeremie plans to pursue it after the baby is born to make sure that its not his child...If it is he definately wants to be a daddy! I think that may have had a thing or two to do with my depression today..But it was nice getaway, its only an hour away, but hey!!!It was still nice! So here are a few quick photo ops we had in the car, we are such cheese balls!!

THis evening I have entertained myself with making and decorating a cake for easter that is sure to make my baby boy smile!!!

Not feelin so great 10 DPO

2007-04-07T08:31:00.000-05:00

So yeah not feelin so great, I had really high hopes for this month, but I am startin to feel like its gonna be a let down again..I know its not over till AF shows, but I definately dont feel pregnant, and I am also starting to get a little PMS mood swings..I dont really know what else to do..I dont understand why this is not happening for us..I am so aggravated, frustrated, and my heart is aching, I am starting to feel like maybe its just not meant to be for us..I am goin wallow in my pity and wait and see if AF comes.....

Just being bored!!!

2007-04-04T17:17:00.000-05:00

I thought since I love to add pics to my blog I would post these of Braylon, this was yesterday,his first picture at his school while I was registering him for PreK and then at mcdonalds, hes showing his great personality!!!

The big 7 DPO!

2007-04-04T16:49:00.000-05:00

Not much of anything is goin on here..I had the whole rosey cheek thing yesterday, still a little red in the face, but I am defiantely not making a big deal out of it..I am just simply amazed with how at peace I am its unreal how stressfree I feel..So i have been on my spring cleaning journey for the past few days, I got a few more things accomplished today like cleaning out cabinets and throwing things away..I cant believe I am throwing things away and spring cleaning and we have only been in our new house for 8 months!!!!But hey its passing my time..I also think that if I ask DP to dig one more hole for me to put a freakin plant in, she will just die! yeah I was at it again last night! I planted to some tropical thing called IXONA and another Hibiscus! We also got all but two shutters put up that have been off the house since before we bought it cause that WITCH RITA ripped them off, and the previous owners just felt it necessary to have a shutter here and there, what the hell if there uneven, so for the last 8 months I been trying to get them painted but I am such the procrastinator, but with DP's help we got them done last week, and the screws came in yesterday! I will take a picture tomorrow if the weather is better, cause Its just been dark and rainy all day..Gotta love that good south Louisiana weather, oh and get this we have a cool front coming through tonight yeah the high is gonna be like 75-78 instead 80-85!!!wow what a cool front...But he humidity will be gone, thank god, cause my hair is not a fan of stickiness!!!Maybe I can flat iron it now and it will stay flat for more than one day!!

So enough of that rambling as you can figure I have no symptoms to report, except for my redy face, clear skin, and wet creamy Cm! I have nothing more to report...Oh I almost forgot I have drank almost a whole pitcher of decaf tea today and I awarded my self a half a bottle of real pepsi with caffeine it was amazing..I also tore up 3 waffles this afternoon, cause I just cant get rid of my sweet tooth which I am usually not a sweet eater..I also just got finished devouring those nature valley granola bars that usually taste like WOOD to me for some reason taste fabulous today!!!BUt like I said definately not reading into things!!!!!!!!!

SPRING CLEANING ANYBODY!!!

2007-04-03T08:02:00.000-05:00

Well, as previously stated I have been trying so hard to keep my mind off the TWW, and its actually working, I have to say this so far has been the easiest one yet.. Yesterday, I took everything out of my freezer(the one on fridge) and scrubbed like no tomorrow, I threw so much junk away I could have feed a small country..I know have probaby 6 things in that freezer!!! I also did quite a whirlwind on my fridge, taking out shleves and drawers, its spotless..Then Braylon and I went cut the grass, of course he had to sit on mama's knee and ride with me, thank god hes only 32lbs or we would have issues.. Then I put mulch around my dogwood, and maple trees, along with the flower bed!!!! My yard and my fridge have never looked so good.. Also I learned some napkin folding techniques online(as seen above) and still managed to cook quite a lovely dinner and on the table at 5:30..

I woke all through the night having to pee and I was having some faunky cramps in my lower belly, and almost like a crampy feeling in my back...Weird, temp took a tad dip this AM still well above cover, probably related to me not sleeping well..

Todays agenda, I have to go register my baby for PRE K at 10, I am so excited, but hes not, he wants to stay home with mama! Then I am cleaning out my cabinets, before grocery shopping this weekend.. Then maybe my deep freezer, and laundry grrrr I hate laundry!!!

4 DPO! What a fantastic day!!!!

2007-04-01T22:07:00.000-05:00

WOW!!! We had such a good day... I am doin so good at keepin my mind off of this TWW, that its actually scaring me alittle..We went shoppin this afternoon, with our bestfriends, Shane and Shannnon(two boys). We got new towels and placemats, napkins and holders, and a fiya new coffee pot just for me(decaf only)...I was so excited to get home and set it up and program it for my first cup of coffee in the morning, but wouldn't you know I dont have the right filters for the damn thing..SO i have to wait and go get the filters for it tomorrow..Well, after shopping we went to Kart Ranch and had a blast on the go karts, then we hit the batting cages, which was my first time, cause I am usually running from balls that are flying at my head.. But I actually liked it and didnt do quite bad, I must say I was pretty proud of myself!!I cant hardly wait to go back..SO my plans for tomorrow to keep myself busy is to wash my new towels about 8 times so that they absorb better, cause I just hate new towels that dont soak the water off me..I am also going to reorganize my cleaning supply cabinet, it looks like either a tornadoe, or hurricane Katrina hit..Also I gotta put my mulch in my flower bed..So hopefully I can remain occupied through out the week and keep up my good streak..no symptoms which I dont know if thats good or bad, and my cold is starting to go away!!!!!!!!!!!

RETRACT THE CLAW LIL MAMA!!!!

2007-03-30T23:14:00.000-05:00

So yeah as much as i would like to deny it, I have been having some pretty good mood swings today, I mean I had some serious cases of road rage, I cant even count the number of people that I yelled at and honked at today..Oh and I definately took my sarcastic pill this morning must have been mixed in with my prenatals...Been having some light crampy twinges this evening but no much more than that goin on..Check in later I guess

I am done!!! Thank you God!!!

2007-03-29T18:53:00.000-05:00

So yeah my big bright idea of a new flower bed, whopped my ASS!!!!! The work defiantely paid off though....I love them!!!!!

AI complete and Yes Flowers are My New Crack!!!

2007-03-29T09:25:00.000-05:00

So we completed our AI yesterday, We did it at 1p.m. thats about 25 hours past the really dark OPK.. I feel pretty good about it, I had some pretty intense O pain last night between 7-8, after that was over my cm started to dry up, so hopefully we nailed it.. Crazy it was our 7th AI and we were fumbling around like it was a first!!!But we got it done!!

So yeah in a previous blog, I was saying how we have been planting a ton of flowers, and the more I do the I want!!Its trully my new CRACK, I am officially addicted to my flowers, so anyway, my bestfriend got me this really pretty birdbath, but its pretty short and it looks crazy just sitting in my yard all by its self, so I got the bright idea to make a circular flower bed around it and make it the focal point and raise it up with flowers all around it, so we went last night and got all the stuff, I got some beautiful, lilies of the nile, yellow calla lillies, and some petunias..SO that is my project for today..I am enclosing pictures of before, cant wait to see the end result!!!!

THANK THE OPK GOD!!!!!

2007-03-27T18:15:00.000-05:00

Finally I got a smiley, and temp was the lowest its ever been.. I took two sets of opks two at nine and two at noon..My lines at noon were way darker than the lines from am. Which is what is in the picture..Now I am worried we just wont get the timing right, I am not stresses just worried..I really want this, this month I am ready to be pregnant and for this chapter of our journey to be completed and anew begin..Dp and I worked outside today painting shutters and planting some more flowers, I never knew that flowers could be like CRACK, the more I do the more I want!!!! I managed to get one hell of a sunburn, I hope that does not affect my BBT..O well goin spend time with the ones I love..I will be back tomorrow after AI.....

O the stress of waiting to O!!!

2007-03-26T13:11:00.000-05:00

So we had a great weekend, we took braylon to the Monster Jam, that of which I think I enjoyed more than him or Dp.. I am stressing about missing my surge..I think that I got a positive OPK at 11 today but the digitals still keep coming up negative.. I am gonna wait and take another one at about 6pm tonight and go from there, we will know for sure when I temp in the morning, if in fact we missed it and have to send our swimmers back, so we will wait and see!!!!

Feeling Good!

2007-03-20T13:28:00.000-05:00

So yeah, I am feelin pretty good!! I have been sleeping my ass off! which is fantastic considering I usually have problems sleeping.. I am getting pretty excited and anxious about our upcomming AI.. Still worried about timing, I really want to nail this one.. I have been exercing with DP and eating better and drinking a ton of decaf green tea which i have read nothing but good things about...So we are praying this is it, its our last chance for a 2007 baby..Which to follow through with our plans with school next year and everything, we really need to get it this month!!! Well I guess thats it for now, not to much goin on in the land of stay home momville!!!

Some Good News Finally!!!

2007-03-15T18:35:00.000-05:00

Well Fred had her stress test today at the cardiologist... Everything looked great, no blockage or anything....Her bloodpressure is getting better also..She is to remain on the same track she is on keep exercising, eating right and losing weight...I am so proud of her she has lost 9 lbs since her last visit about two weeks ago...Even though I think that i keep finding the weight...but what the hell as long as she is getting better thats all that matters...I am very excited I sent in the M.O. for our next shipment of spermies, I should be able to order by MOnday which is great I will have them here by friday just in case we should not need them till wednesday..Not sure what timing we will be using for this cycle..We are only using one vial, so I think we need to get as close to O as possible, I typically O about 30 hours after positive so we will see.....Cant wait really praying this is our month...

CD 3!!!

2007-03-14T10:30:00.000-05:00

Well here we are back on CD 3.. AF is starting to really slow down, thank god!!! we are getting ready to order for this month. Cant decide which donor we will use, its so frustrating when you call and no one from yourl ist is available...I am feeling pretty good though, energy level is way down, not having the want or will to do anything... Looking forward to a couple days alone, to think about what we can do differently this month, we are only using one vial, so I am praying to hit the nail on the head..I also vow to stay away from the message board and two week wait.com so that I dont drive myself crazy..I will try to blog everyday just so that I can keep track of symptoms and compare to last month...O well off to try and get some laundry done!!!

LA TEE DA---THE B**** IS COMMING!

2007-03-11T20:39:00.000-05:00

Well as of yesterday, my temp took a drastic drop and as well as this morning it went down even further..I had a few spots of pink yesterday, and a few today, AF is due tomorrow, so there is no doubt that she will show her devil self sometime tomorrow.. I was saddened, then I just got angry, I know that our timing could not have been any better than it was, so what the hell is the problem...Why cant it just work. It amazes me how some people in the world, drug addicts, crack heads, and teenagers can just get pregnant at the drop of a hat and half the time they dont want it, but the good people in the world have to suffer so much pain and heartache to get something that others take for granted..UUGGGHHHH!!! I have to admit that when I went on the board today and saw yet another BFP, my heart sank and I felt myself get alittle angry or should I say jealous..NOt that I am not happy for all theses great ladies that have finally achieved there goal, cause god knows that I am always excited for them, it just hurt, cause I feel like I will never be able to join in JOY...We are gonna try again this month, possibly with another bank just cause they are a tad bit cheaper, and have more donors to chose from...so I guess we shall see........

12 DPO

2007-03-09T12:13:00.000-06:00

It's almost over....only 2 more days left..Temp is still up, which it prolly wont drop till saturday or sunday I guess if AF is coming..I am not testing until sunday the day before AF if temps are still up...The tests dont really bother me, its AF that crushes my world.. I am feeling rather good..No more cramping thank god, and no heartburn right now..I had indegstion so bad last night it took all I had just to swallow my food...After quite a few good burps I felt way better though...So all looks good Dp says I am in a unusual good mood, which is good cause typically I am bitch on wheels this close to AF and we fight constantly, but no fights or bickering so far!!!

10 DPO almost over!!!!

2007-03-07T16:39:00.000-06:00

Let the countdown begin only 4 days left in the long dreaded TWW..I am so nervous about testing but yet I want to test because of all the Good luck goin on, on the board..I am gonna hold out a couple more days and see if temps stay up...I had some really nasty AF cramps last night an this morning along with some fiya heartburn...So I suppose only time will tell!!!!!!

9Dpo!!! Yep i did it to myself this morning

2007-03-06T08:53:00.001-06:00

Yep, I just had to POAS! So yeah it was a big ol fat negative.. Not to terribly upset, Iknow that it is too early.. I dont really get upset till AF shows, and as for her she better stay far away and go visit somebody thats praying for her period!!!! Not feelin to much its barely 9'o clock and i have already rearranged my kitchen cabinets, so i have a good bit of energy, boobs are slightly sore but not anything like the other day, other than that not have no symptoms at all, I have woke up the last two days with headaches..I promise myself that I am not testing till AF dont show, it dont pay to waste the money!!!

P Dpo!!! Yep i did it to myself this morning

2007-03-06T08:53:00.000-06:00

8dpo

2007-03-05T06:59:00.001-06:00

Well, I can hardly believe it I actually woke up this morning feeling pretty good!!! I dont wether to be excited or upset...In my first pregnancy I did not have any symptoms at all, expect for veins on my boobies, so I am not gonna worry yet...My boobs are hurting pretty damn bad with a lot of purple veins on them they almosot looked bruised..so I guess we shall see, I am going to test on 10 dpo if its negative then I will hold out for AF....

7 DPO

2007-03-04T10:22:00.000-06:00

I feel like crap that basically sums everything up.. I woke up this morning feeling like a total train wreck....I have no energy and quite a serious headache!!!!

4 dpo (Is it over yet)

2007-03-01T15:16:00.000-06:00

Actually the tww is not quite so bad... I have been occupying my time with my Xbox..Pass a lot of time for me..Only thing to report today is a really bad stomach ache this morning, then heartburn and then indigestion, and all I ate was special k then a subway sandwish for lunch, I went to walmart earlier, and I got really quesy and the smell of cocoa pebbles make me want to gag.. God i really hope that I am not imagining these things, I will be so upset, funny thing is I am not really stressing and not really looking for anything, I know its very early, I called my old ob/gyn to find out when was my last appt. with him cause thats when I had the blood test for my son that of which came up negative then three days later I had a positve hpt.. I was 7 dpo for blood test negative and 11 dpo for hpt which was a very very faint positive.. So we will be waiting till at least 12 dpo to test just cause I dont want to upset myself to soon,.

3 DPO

2007-02-28T09:43:00.000-06:00

Well not much to talk about only 3 dpo, thankfully I am not stressing or wanting to POAS yet, but its still early.. NOt having any symptoms, just still the achieness in my tummy, but that has been there since right after AI..NOt too much else goin on I took about a two hour nap yesterday and I never take naps, then I still had no problem going to sleep last nite which I usually have to take something almost every nite just to sleep by midnight..So hopefully all good signs...We will see

1 dpo TWW

2007-02-26T20:33:00.000-06:00

Well finally, our first Two AI are complete... We are currently 1dpo and luckily I am not stressing yet...I have such a calm and peaceful feeling, we took about 6 months off from our 6 attempts last year and hopefully it will payoff..I am stress free and keeping busy..I feel that we could not have had more perfect timing.. Got First positive OPK on saturday at 11am checked cervix saturday evening and it was wide open with gushing EWCM, did first AI at 11pm and the second at 11am the next day started having really really bad O pain about 3:30 that afternoon and by 8pm all my EWCM was dried up and O pain was gone...So we are keeping fingers crossed to help us through these next 13 days and lead us to the long awaited BFP!!!!!!!!

What do we do???

2007-01-08T13:27:00.000-06:00

okay so it does not even make since how confused I am right now... I am so desperately ready to have another baby, but i just feel like time is never on my side... I dont want to wait any longer than we already have, I know I am young but I am getting older by the day and so is my son, and I really did not want my children to be this far in age.. So the big issue is I am suppose to start school in june for nursing, and if I get pregnant between now and june that gives me no time to take out for delivery and recovery and spending time with a new baby, so what do i do, should i wait the dreaded long two years to finish school and then start tryin again or just say what the hell and do it and deal with taking time from school later??? This is so hard and such a big decision, but my partner and I are so tired of waiting.....

Give me some time!!

2007-01-03T13:28:00.000-06:00

Okay so for some reason, I just figured out this whole blog thing, I am trying to figure everything out and how to navigate around here.. I always here people talking about blogging and just really never paid it any mind, but after reading posts from fellow ttc buddies, it is pretty cool and just like an onling diary... I love it!!! Unfortunately I dont really have anything to talk about right now.. I posted earlier on NW about losing my job and going back to school.. I will be studying nursing so that really does not leave me any room for babies this year, its a realy bummer but we know that it will pay off in the long run. My son starts pre k in August I cant wait to not have to pay daycare anymore!!! My dp is getting a really nice promotion this month and a nice salary increase WOOOHOOO!!!. We have a lot of resolutions for 2007 if we can accomplish at least a couple of them I will be satisfied, I would really like to lose my post pregnancy weight from my son 4 years ago, ummm yeah it would be fabulous to fit in a size 9 again!! also i have been on this train of smoke for a month and quit and them smoke and quit, so i am wearing the ever so flattering nicotene patch that of which i must say has seriously been working, i have not even had a slight urge... so any how best of luck to everybody no matter what your goals are and i will be back soon.