Things are gettin much easier! I am feeling better, I will be moving my things out of the house sometime next week, so once that is finished I think that it will be easier to move on. Braylon starts school on Thursday, I am so excited for him. I have not yet determined how I am goin to handle all of this with him, his questions and stuff I mean, guess i will figure it all out in time!

I forgot I have a new myspace for all of u that is on my old one, I can now be reached at this one myspace.com/alicia_porter

A new day! Thats the way i intend on starting everyday! I am feeling better today. I am not sleeping at all, i have maybe had 5 hours in the last 48 hours, so mentally, physically, and emotionally drained, to say the least. This is problem one of the hardest things that I have ever done. Things will work it self out, of that I am sure. I just want all of u to know how much ur support means to me. TTC may have torn my relationship apart, but in the last three years I have made some of the best friends possible and with out even meeting any of u. Ur all very special to me. I will keep up with my blog, and of course keep up with each one of u on ur journey to motherhood.

O gosh, where do i begin. First off Dp and I have decided to seperate. Neither of us are sure if it will be perment right at this moment, but i guess the day to day stresses has finally broken me down. I feel that our relationship is just broken and i am not sure right now if it can be pieced back togehter, we have been through alot, but i guess i have just lost hope, and i am tired of not feeling happy. I feel like my life is a job and i wake up and just go through the motions day in and day out. I dont wanna wake up 5 years from now and think where has my life gone. I only have one to live and i dont wanna regret anything and i certainly dont wanna miss out on happiness. I have never lived alone and taken care of myself, so that is something that i want to work on. I know i can do it, I am very strong and I can make it work for me and braylon. I am just lost right now, and I dont know where to begin.........

August 7,2007

Taking an extended break. Yep thats what we are doin. I am really wore out with all the TTC. I really feel like its ripping me and Dp's relationship apart. We are fighting constantly about anything and everything....Every aspect of our lives is sucking right now, and I can only chalk it up to TTC. I get so aggravated and frustrated every month and so does she and we take it out on each other. We dont know what else to do. I just feel like everyother word out of her mouth has to do with TTC! And it makes me so angry!!!! I am at a loss of what to do!

August1,2007

Will this be our month or not, that is the question at the beginning of everymonth. I must say, that this has been one of the best breaks from TTC that I have ever taken. I cant even tell you what CD I am on!!! I am ready to get the process in order and see what this month will hold for us. AF should be here in a couple of weeks which puts AI towards the end of the month. I have a really bad headache today, which I think has been cause by the FAT man in the office next to me. He hocks stuff out of his throat all day long, and he keeps the temp 30 below 0 in here all day. I mean its the middle of summer in south louisiana, and I have a heater under my desk to defrost the icicles that form on the ends of my toes!! Well he called himself catching attitude with me a few ago, and I had to set him right. Now another thing that bothers me, is I am openly gay, but i do not offer people information that they do not need to know. Only one coworker actually knows my status, and the FAT man, always makes comments about homosexuals, and I am not sure yet how I want to deal with that situation, if I should just explode and tell him what an idiot he is, or if I should make it a little more subtle, and on his next comment, just lean over and tell him, hey I am a lesbian and if I hear one more slur out of your mouth, I will report you for discrimmination. Not sure I will have to ponder a little longer on that one.